International Marathon Adjustment Council
IMAC 6.x — Ancillary Suffering and Lifestyle Factors
A committee history of how optional misery entered the formulary, including language supersessions from the Course (3.x), Environmental (4.x), and Algorithmic (5.x) series. Ratified in anger. Amended in coffee.
§0 — Purpose
IMAC 3.x described the course. IMAC 4.x described the air. IMAC 5.0 described how numbers multiply. None of them explained why a runner with two toddlers, three dropped gels, and no Body Glide felt entitled to a larger emotionally valid distance than a well-rested person on the same pavement.
The 6.x series exists to quantify that entitlement without admitting it is entitlement. Official title: Ancillary Suffering and Lifestyle Factors. Informal title used in minutes: The Parent and Porta-Potty Annex.
§1 — Series map
| Standard | Status | What it pretends to regulate |
|---|---|---|
| IMAC 6.0 | Withdrawn | Unified “lifestyle coefficient.” Rejected as too honest. |
| IMAC 6.1 | Superseded | Uncompressed addends. Produced distances requiring a second bib. |
| IMAC 6.2 | Ratified | Ancillary EVD/EMD addends with compression (rev 1.1). |
| IMAC 6.3 | Draft / sealed | “Gel grief taxonomy.” Eighteen categories. No one survived review. |
| IMAC 6.4 | Reserved | Spouse-or-partner skepticism multiplier. Legal counsel intervened. |
| IMAC 6.9 | Ceremonial | Defines “optional” as “morally mandatory at Thanksgiving.” |
§2 — Language changes from IMAC 3.x (Course series)
The Terrain and Vertical Displacement Panel (TVDP) originally insisted that suffering occur on the course. IMAC 6.x relocates a portion of suffering to the parking lot, the household, and the line for the third porta-potty from the left.
§2.1 — Superseded terminology
| IMAC 3.x (legacy) | IMAC 6.x (current) | Committee rationale |
|---|---|---|
| “Course difficulty” | “Declared course difficulty plus pre-existing narrative inventory” | Children are not terrain. They are worse. |
| “Elevation gain” | “Elevation gain (vertical)” vs “life gain (horizontal, unpaid)” | 6.2 forbids conflating metres with years of interrupted sleep. |
| “Trail” | Unchanged | Some words remain sacred. Also, marketing liked “trail.” |
| “Net downhill” | “Net downhill (not a lifestyle factor)” | Explicit exclusion after a proposal to credit “emotional downhill.” |
Minute 2023-11-14: TVDP objected that porta-potty delay is “not a hill.” EVBSB replied that standing still while needing to move is the oldest hill. Vote: 8–5. TVDP filed a minority report titled Stillness Is Not Elevation. It was not read.
§3 — Language changes from IMAC 4.x (Environmental series)
IMAC 4.1–4.7 treat the atmosphere as something that happens to the runner. IMAC 6.x treats the household as weather that follows you to the start line and files a claim against your finish photo.
§3.1 — Parallel constructions (do not confuse)
| Environmental (4.x) | Ancillary analogue (6.x) | Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Ambient temperature | Household temperature (metaphorical) | Not instrumented. Do not enter °C. |
| Humidity | Chafing severity | Both increase with poor preparation; only one is discussed politely. |
| Headwind | Forgot Body Glide | Boolean. Prevention available. Suffering optional. (IMAC 6.2) |
| Altitude | Number of children | Both reduce available oxygen for decision-making. |
| Finish-weighted temperature blend (4.1 rev 1.1) | Sleep deficit from baseline 8 h | Both weight the later portion of the experience more heavily. |
§3.2 — Forbidden borrowings
Implementations SHALL NOT describe lifestyle factors using IMAC 4.x advisory language. “Dress warmly” is not an accepted response to chafing. “Hydration strategy required” is not an accepted response to gel grief. TEZAC retains exclusive jurisdiction over temperatures that melt shoes; BCMO retains exclusive jurisdiction over whether that deserves a badge.
§4 — Language changes from IMAC 5.0 (Composition)
IMAC 5.0 defined emd_effort and suffering_base as products of
ratified physiological and environmental factors. IMAC 6.0’s first draft
attempted to insert lifestyle variables into those same products. This
produced Thanksgiving dinners mathematically classified as ultramarathons.
§4.1 — Composition vocabulary
| IMAC 5.0 term | IMAC 6.x amendment |
|---|---|
| “Multiplicative factor” | Reserved for 3.x / 4.x / age. Lifestyle booleans use
additive excess (1 + Σ(mᵢ − 1)) so three misfortunes
cannot compound into a fourth dimension. |
| “Addend” | Split into ancillary_emd and ancillary_evd. EVD addends are compressed; EMD addends are compressed more aggressively, because physiology is shy. |
| “Ideal conditions” | Still means 7–13 °C, flat road, no wind. Now also implies eight hours of sleep, zero children in the narrative, and Body Glide applied on schedule. The Committee regrets the clarity. |
| “Round for display only” | Unchanged. Rounding remains the only kindness in the pipeline. |
§4.2 — Compression amendment (6.2 rev 1.1)
After Golden Reference Case review (IMAC 15.1), the Committee observed that full disclosure under IMAC 6.1 produced Emotionally Valid Distances that required a second race bib and a support crew of cousins. Revision 1.1 introduced diminishing-return compression:
compress(x) = min(ceiling, asymptote × (1 − e^(−x / scale)))
Plain language: you may declare everything. The mathematics will eventually stop believing you. This is not a bug. This is pastoral care.
§5 — Factor inventory (IMAC 6.2)
Normative factors currently loaded by conforming implementations:
- Number of children — per-child EVD/EMD; Toddler Coefficient above three.
- Hours of sleep — deficit from 8 h baseline; surplus awards nothing.
- Shoe age (km) — self-reported; exaggeration permitted on EVD only.
- Chafing severity (0–5) — 5 = questioning life choices in a porta-potty mirror.
- Gels dropped — nutrition loss plus psychological devastation.
- Rain / Forgot Body Glide / Toe lost feeling — boolean multipliers via additive excess.
- Porta-potty delay (min) — counts toward suffering, not physiology.
Related but separately numbered: Honesty (IMAC 9.8) and Grit (IMAC 9.9) are reporting modifiers, not lifestyle addends. Do not file them under 6.x unless you enjoy receiving corrective memoranda.
§6 — Withdrawn proposals (selected)
- “Playlist adversity” — automatic EVD credit for Nickelback exposure. Deferred to IMAC 10.x. Subcommittee still listening. No ETA.
- “Bib number numerology” — rejected 12–1. The dissenting vote was wearing bib 13 and refused to elaborate.
- “Strava kudos as honesty inverse” — tabled after realizing the Committee does not have a Strava account and will not create one.
- “Marital status multiplier” — counsel stood up. Everyone sat down.
§7 — Conformance
An implementation is 6.x-conformant if and only if:
- Optional lifestyle inputs default per IMAC 12.5 when omitted.
- Ancillary addends are compressed per 6.2 rev 1.1 before entering IMAC 5.0 composition.
- Boolean lifestyle multipliers use additive excess, not reckless multiplication.
- No factor from 6.x alters Official Distance. Official Distance remains the bib’s problem.
- Documentation continues to sound unanimous regardless of the actual vote tally.
§8 — Closing minute
“The 3.x series measures the ground. The 4.x series measures the sky. The 5.0 standard measures the product. The 6.x series measures the story you tell afterward while holding a banana and making eye contact with someone who asked how it went.”